I sometimes wonder if there is an inbuilt mechanism within each of us that gives us the ability to survive whatever life throws our way.

Ben and I have been married for ten years now and some nights, when we’re not too tired from long days at work, we snuggle together in our warm bed and look back at all the ups and downs of that time together.

So many things have happened, the good far out-weighing the bad and as the years have passed life has been settled and pretty good to us. Our kids are doing well, JR in school, Hunter making his own way in the world. Financially we are reasonably secure and once the house is paid off in a few years we will have that extra bit of money so that we can travel which is something we have talked about over the years. Ben’s dream to visit Tibet will be the first wish fulfilled I know that.

But believing that nothing is going to come along to upset this almost perfect life would be tempting fate I think.

Ben’s health is a constant worry to me. I’ve sat at his hospital bedside too many times over the years, scared to death that I may lose him for it not to be constantly in my thoughts. We’ve talked about the time he found out he was positive, the denial, the anger and then finally his acceptance of the knowledge that in some ways his life would never be the same again. His survival mechanism, his mantra of living in the now, still holds firm to this day, and I try hard to live by it as well but it’s not easy. One thing that keeps me going is the hope a cure will be found and this shadow of death will be removed from our lives.

Hunter’s survival mechanism was brought out at an age when he should have still had an innocence about him. His days should have been spent having fun, playing ball, riding bikes, not being abused by a mother who would send her only child onto the streets to ‘supplement our income’. His ability to survive those years at such a young age still astounds me. When Ben and I found him, a smart ass kid putting on a tough front to the world we knew he distrusted us, he couldn’t understand why anyone would care enough to give him a home. It took a while for him to let his guard down and let us see that scared kid who wanted nothing more than to be loved. He has brought so much happiness into our lives; given us something we never thought we would have, a son.

My own survival mechanism came to the fore after the bombing at Babylon. I still bear the scars of that night and it took a few years for me not to wake in the middle of the night in a cold sweat seeing the blinding light before the bomb shattered what was meant to be a night of fun and entertainment.

We all have that same survival mechanism somewhere inside of us and we will continue to use it for what we believe in. For me it is for the right to marry, to have the same rights as everyone else. The only difference is we have to fight harder and louder. My life isn’t perfect, no-one’s is, but it’s the life I dreamed of and I will do whatever it takes to keep my husband healthy, my son and daughter safe, to hold onto the hopes and dreams I have for our future. I am surrounded by love and that, more than anything else, is all I need to survive whatever life brings our way.