I seemed to have spent quite a bit of time forgiving Ben for things over the years.

First time it was for his steroid abuse. I put up with his mood swings and lack of affection for just so long until things came to a head and I knew I had to do something drastic to show him what he was doing, not just to himself but to us. What we had was too important to just let it slip away. When I held that needle so close to my wrist my only thought was that if this didn’t show Ben how much I loved him, nothing would. It did and he stopped using them. It didn’t happen overnight, his addiction was strong, but together we got through it and I believe in some ways it made us both stronger than we were before.

The other thing I forgave him for took me a lot longer to get over.

He almost cheated on me. I still wonder if Anthony hadn’t told him what his plans were if he would have gone through with it. I honestly believe he wouldn’t have, that he would have realized what he was about to lose, not just me and the future we were planning together but Hunter as well, because I would not have stayed with him, of that I have no doubt.

Over the years we have learnt to communicate much better. Ben doesn’t close himself off from me as he did in those early years and I have learnt to read his moods, to leave him alone when something is worrying him, knowing in the end he will talk to me and we will discuss it and find a solution. Marriage is give and take, compromise and respect for each other.

I know he will never turn to steroids again and that he will never be tempted by anyone else, no matter what the circumstances. How do I know this? It’s easy. Because I love him and he loves me. What we have is too strong and too deep-seated for anything to tear us apart.