The house seems to be full of shadows as I walk through the living room. Sometimes I think I should sell and find a smaller place but I know I never will. Ben and I built our home together with love, his soul will always be here, and for that reason alone I could never leave. Everywhere I look there are memories of him, from photos that adorn the walls to keepsakes that we bought on weekends away. I can still remember the day we put the first coat of paint on the walls, hung the first picture, watched as Hunter ran up the stairs to his new room, had JR to stay for her first night.

I try not to dwell in the past but memories of our life together never leave me, the sight of Ben walking through the door after a long day at College, the smile that crossed his face when he saw me, watching as he prepared dinner, feeding me tidbits as he stirred the pot, nights of love making, waking up to a new day wrapped in his body.

Now when I walk in the door the only thing that greets me is silence, my bed is cold and lonely. I go through the motions of living but my heart isn’t in it anymore.

I miss him so much it is like an ache that never leaves me.