I walked out of the restaurant into the cold night air pulling my coat tightly around me.

Christ, how could I have been so fucking stupid to think that Ben was there waiting for me! I knew I had turned a bright red when his dinner companion sat down next to him in the booth. I can’t remember what I had mumbled but just knew I had to get out of there as fast as possible.

I trudged along the street, the rain which had begun to fall soon soaking my coat, but I didn’t care. I had fucked up the most important moment in my life.

Actually I had fucked up more than that the moment I had said I couldn’t sleep with him in the floodlit bathroom. The memories of that night pushed away the ones I was feeling at the moment, and I knew it was more than the rain that was making my eyes sting.

I had fallen in love with him the moment I had seen him standing in my store, my half eaten sandwich forgotten as my eyes traveled the length of his body before meeting his. They were the most beautiful blue I had ever seen and I’m sure I had flushed under his gaze.

I remembered every word we had exchanged, not just then, but from every other time we had been together.

His way at looking at life, not looking back, living in the now filled me with admiration, and I knew I wanted to be part of that ‘now’.

I hugged the fact to myself that he seemed to be interested in me every moment of the day, ignoring the words of everyone else. At least I thought I had, until that moment when I had turned from him.

I don’t know why I did it, sub-conscious words from everyone else had over ridden my true feelings, and now I had lost something that I hadn’t even had time to find.

As I neared my apartment, I made a decision. I would fight for him. I would get him back. I would show him that we were meant to be together, that I loved him.

How, I had no fucking clue? If I made a complete fool of myself while doing so, I didn’t care.

I knew he was meant to be part of my life forever, that the way he had held me, had kissed me, told me that he knew it as well. All I had to do was convince him of that.

I could do it.

I would do it.

Because I loved him.