His skin was cold to my touch as my fingers worked their way down his face; stopping at the light bruising that circled his mouth. I rubbed at it slightly, trying to make it disappear but it remained, the only blemish on his beautiful face. It was the only visible sign that I could see, somehow that didn’t seem right.

The doctors had told me hadn’t felt a thing. The police had said it was an accident, the driver of the car hadn’t seen him until it was too late.

Was it only hours ago that he had woken me with kisses, then proceeded to make love to me, starting the day off in the most perfect way?

I had kissed him goodbye as he cycled off to classes, his last words reminding me that he would be at the store at noon to take me to lunch.

I had muttered something about knowing what I would like to eat, which gained me an extra kiss.

I had always known that one day I would lose him, but not like this. I imagined we would spend whatever years were bestowed on us growing old, the disease that was unseen kept at bay by drugs, and his ability to keep himself healthy inside and out.

I tried to remember if I had told him this morning that I loved him, the thought that I hadn’t made me shiver, despite the warmth of the room.

I reached out for his hand, my fingers twisting at his wedding ring, before sliding it off his finger and slipping it on next to mine.

The door opened, and a nurse walked in, stopping next to the bed. She asked if I need anything. I wondered what she would say if I said yes. You can put the life back into those beautiful blue eyes, have him there when I walk in the door tonight, let me feel his arms around me when I drift off to sleep. Instead I laughed, slightly hysterically but she didn’t seem to think that strange. Perhaps she had grown used to reactions at times like these. She gave me a reassuring smile, telling me I could stay as long as I needed and left quietly.

As long as I needed. That was a lifetime. I wouldn’t leave until I was forcibly removed; I knew that. The thought of returning to a house devoid of his presence made the tears, that up until now I had been able to hold back, fall, my body shaking as I wrapped my arms around him, knowing it would be the last time. From now on, all I would have is memories.