I flipped slowly through the pages of the photo album.

 JR’s 5^th birthday, the room filled with streamers and balloons, Mel and Lindsay looking frazzled after tending to a horde of  five years olds, JR’s eyes bright with excitement.

Hunter’s 21^st birthday, looking embarrassed at all the attention, but I knew secretly enjoying every moment of it, a amused expression on his face as he took in the antics of everyone around him, as if thinking how did I ever become part of this crazy family.

My 50^th birthday, gray hairs sprinkled amongst the black, wrinkles creasing my face. Photos captured as Ben wrapped me in his arms, his whispered words still remembered to this day.

Ben’s 60^th birthday, looking as beautiful as the day I first laid eyes on him. His face seemingly untouched by the passage of time; his eyes, filled with love as he looked at me, still as bright as the bluest sky.

I turned the page. Empty.

The door opened as Hunter and JR walked in, their eyes scanning the room until they came to rest on me. I returned the smile but my heart wasn’t in it. They knew that. That’s why they were here. To make the day bearable.

I closed the album and stood as they walked towards me, hugging me silently. Ben may not be their biological father but they were both filled with parts of him. He had left his mark on them, with words and gestures and more than anything a zest for life.

“You ready to go Daddy?” JR asked, reaching for my coat and helping me on with it. I couldn’t help but smile at her fussing.

I nodded and followed them out the house to celebrate Ben’s birthday with him the way I had for the last five years and I would continue to do so until we were together again.