"Are you sure we can afford it?" I asked Ben as I looked around. It seemed like such a huge step, buying our first home. When Ben had first mentioned the subject I had been completely against it. I didn’t want to leave Liberty Avenue, it had been my home all my life, and I couldn’t see any reason to change that.

But the seed had been planted, and without Ben ever saying another word I slowly began to realize that this was what I really wanted. A home we could make our own, stamp parts of our own personalities on, give Hunter more stability and have a room for JR when she came to visit.

He wrapped his arms around me, placing a soft kiss on my lips, and every doubt I still had disappeared at the moment.

When he pulled away, a brilliant smile on his face, I knew that this was where my life was. I grabbed his hand, pulling him, with some effort, behind me.

"Let’s go and explore!" I said, laughing as we ran up the stairs.

The first door I opened I knew would become JR’s room. The sun was shining through the window, and I could see her sitting on the floor, surrounded by toys, playing happily.

I turned to Ben "How about pink walls and a bright blue ceiling?" I suggested, the ideas already forming in my mind.

"Mmmmm…..how about Disney characters over the walls?"

I nodded happily, knowing damn well he was right.

"Guess I inherited my color schemes from Ma!"

He laughed, draping his arm around my shoulders.

"Do you think JR will like this room? I mean, it’s not that big…"
"How much stuff can a baby need?"

"But she won’t always be a baby. And I want her to have everything."
"I’ve noticed that." Ben said "No more stuffed animals remember, she’ll think she’s living in a zoo."

"Ok, I promise. Ben…."
"What?"

"Do you think I can be a good father? I mean I know nothing about babies, and she’s so tiny. I want to be able to spend time with her, so she knows who I am, but what if I just don’t know what to do."

"Michael, stop worrying. We’ll learn. No first time parent knows what to do, you learn by your mistakes and as long as she is loved, I don’t think we can do much wrong."

"I guess. It’s just kinda scary, being responsible for such a small person."

Ben pulled me to him, and I snuggled against his chest, imagining this room as JR’s, filled with her small presence, watching as she changed from a baby into a toddler, learning each day about life. I was thankful I had Ben and couldn’t wait until I could teach her to say ‘Uncle Ben’, knowing how proud he would be to be called that. I desperately wished he could know the joy of seeing part of yourself in another human being, knowing you had done something to contribute to that small life. I would give anything to make that happen for him, but I knew it was impossible so I would do the next best thing, make JR as much part of his life as I could.

"Michael?"

His voice brought me back to the present, and I looked up at him.

"Sorry I was just thinking."

"Yeah me too." And I knew by the look in his eyes that his thoughts mirrored mine.

I reached for his hand, squeezing it and that smile he reserved just for me crossed his face.

I pulled him from the room across the landing opening the next door.

"This can be Hunter’s room," I stated, knowing it would be perfect for him.

"How about we let him decorate it himself?" Ben suggested, and I nodded in agreement but had to voice my concerns.

"Knowing Hunter he will want to paint it black or something!"

"Yeah that occurred to me as well, but why not. It will be his first real home; somewhere he can put down his roots and know that it’s his for however long he needs it."

Ben’s instinct about Hunter as always was right. Hunter’s room in the apartment was small and cramped but he had never complained and the thought we could give him this was worth the thought of a black room, with God knows what on the walls.

"So that just leaves one more room to decide on!" I grinned up at Ben.

"The most important room in the house," he replied, a smile twitching at his lips as he dragged me out the room and into what would soon be our new bedroom.

We stood at the door, not seeing the old drapes or the grime on the walls but something that we would create together. A place that would become our sanctuary after long days at work. Nights filled with love making, snuggling up next to each other on cold winter’s mornings, a place to dream and talk about the future we were building together but more than anything else, a room filled with love.