"That the latest issue of Rage?" Hunter asked, walking into the living room and grabbing it from Michael

"Yeah! and its fucking good!"

"You’re only saying that cause you wrote it!"

"Smart ass!"

Hunter flicked through it quickly, and stopped at the centre page, eying the picture of Rage giving JT a blow job.

"So, when did you give your first blow job?"

"What?"

"You heard"

"I’m not telling you that"

"Why not? Was it a disaster, did you swallow when you weren’t supposed to?"

"Shut up! I am not, repeat not, discussing this with you. Go and finish your homework!"

"This is much more interesting"

"What is?" Ben asked, walking into the room, draping his arm around his husband’s shoulders.

"When Michael gave his first blow job!"

"I’d like to know as well!"

A blush slowly covered Michael’s face,  as he glared at both of them.

"This conversation is over!" He stated as he stormed out of the room.

"What the fuck’s his problem!"

"Michael can be a bit…."

"Pathetic! To quote Brian"

"Hey....that’s my husband you’re talking about!"

"Sorry dude! But admit it, you’re curious as well aren’t you?"

"Maybe…."

"So….go ask him…..then come and tell me!"

Hunter gave Ben a wide eyed innocent look trying hard to keep the grin off his face but not quite succeeding.

"So why all this sudden interest in our sex life?"

"I’m not interested in your sex life…..I can hear that every night, Michael really needs to…"

"Enough!"

"Christ…you’re turning into regular parents!"

"Thank you!"

"That wasn’t meant as a compliment!"

A smile tugged at the corner of Ben’s mouth.

"I’m going to find Michael"

"Just remember…I want details!"

"Hunter…."

"What?"

"Some things are private. Michael may not feel comfortable discussing his early sex life with you or with me for that matter"

"You mean you guys have secrets from each other?"

"Of course not!"

"So…."

"Listen pal. If Michael wants to tell you about it, it’s his decision. We’re glad you’re happy enough to discuss sex with us but….."

"I don’t want to discuss sex…I just want to know about Michael’s first blow job!"

Hunter grinned and Ben shook his head in wonder at his son.

"Go and do your homework" He held up his hand as Hunter was about to argue. "Now!"

Hunter slouched off, grabbing the Rage comic on the way out, muttering under his breath

about adults and their strange ideas.

Ben walked into the kitchen to find Michael chopping vegetables for dinner.

"Michael?"

"What!"

"You ok?"

No answer.

Ben walked to his husband and wrapped his arms around his slender shoulders.

"Baby….talk to me"

"You were both laughing at me!"

"No we weren’t"

"Ok, maybe you weren’t but Hunter was. Sometimes that kid is just too smart for his own fucking good!"

"He didn’t mean any harm by it"

"It’s none of his fucking business!"

"I agree"

Ben grabbed Michael’s hands, taking the knife from him, laying it on the counter.

"So where is he now?"

"I sent him to finish his homework"

"And I need to get dinner ready"

"It’s only 5pm!"

"So!"

He pulled away from Ben, reaching for the knife, and began chopping furiously at the carrots.

"Michael….."

"Yes?"

"I think those carrots are dead"

Ben tried to hold back his laugher but failed miserably. He held his breath as Michael turned to face him, watching as he burst into a fit of giggles.

"It’s not fair!" A serious look crossed his face.

"What isn’t?" Ben stammered out, trying to control his laughter.

"I can never stay mad at you for more than a minute!"

"I’m sorry. But there’s no reason for you to be mad. Just forget about what Hunter said"

"Yeah. Like he will forget. I know him. He will go on and on….."

Ben looked Michael and realized he was more upset than he realized.

"Stay here!"

He watched Ben leave the kitchen, straining his ears to listen when he heard him on the phone. Who the hell was he ringing!

The next thing he heard was the front door slam.

Ben walked into the kitchen.

"What’s going on?"

"I rang Debbie and asked what she was cooking for dinner"

"I don’t want to go to my Mother’s for dinner!"

"No but Hunter did when he heard she was making ziti!"

"You didn’t?"

"I did! And I also suggested that he would be more than pleased to rake her yard while he was there"

Michael burst out laughing

"I actually feel sorry for him now!"

"I know, but he needs reminding that we are the parents and what we say goes!"

Ben grabbed Michael’s hand and led him up the stairs to their bedroom.

He pulled him to onto the bed, wrapping his arms around him.

"Now….do you want to talk about it?"

"There’s nothing to talk about!"

"Michael….you know you can tell me anything"

"So you can tell Hunter!"

"I wouldn’t do that!"

"I’m sorry. I know you wouldn’t and besides he probably knows more about sex than I do!"

"You’re probably right. Scary thought huh?"

Michael grinned at his husband.

"Yeah…our 17 year old son could give us a lecture on the best way to give a blow job"

"What ever he suggested wouldn’t come close to what you can do with that delicious mouth of yours" Ben whispered, nibbling his ear, knowing how much that turned Michael on.

Michael began wriggling, his jeans starting to feel tight.

"Ben……"

"Mmmmm……."

"Stop it……."

Ben sat up, leaning on his elbow and looked down at his husband.

"I’m sorry baby. Just thinking about your mouth around my cock is making me as horny as hell!"

He grabbed Michael’s hand and rubbed it against his raging hard on.

"See what you can do to me"

"Obviously I’ve improved with age then!"

Ben stopped, looking at Michael, a frown crossing his face.

"Michael…talk to me….please"

He lay down, pulling Michael closer to him, his fingers playing with his thick dark hair, his other hand finding Michael’s, squeezing it reassuringly, giving him time to compose himself.

He realized that whatever had happened that first time had stayed with Michael all these years and wondered if it had, in some way, caused the lack of confidence that had always seemed to overwhelm him until recent years.

Michael lifted his head, looking up at Ben, taking confidence from the love that shone from his eyes.

"I was 15….and at this overnight school camp. Brian wasn’t there for some reason and I had to share a tent with this kid Mark. He was a year older than me, a jock and one of the most popular kids in school. He was none too pleased at having to share a tent with the ‘geeky kid’."

"I always thought you were more of a dweeb" Ben said, planting a kiss on Michael’s nose, earning a silly smile from him.

"Yeah well, whatever I was, it wasn’t popular. Anyways, 9pm came and we were all sent to our tents."

"All of a sudden, this kid who hadn’t said more than two words to me all day got all chatty while we were getting ready for bed. And he seemed nice. Perhaps it was because he was away from his mates, I don’t know. We climbed into our sleeping bags and lay there talking in the dark. He teased me, but not in a nasty way, about being useless at sports and I told him about my comic collection and Captain Astro and he didn’t laugh at me. Anyways, the conversation finally got around to sex"

"Of course" Ben laughed.

"What else would 15 year old boys talk about" Michael replied "Anyways, he asked if I had ever ‘done it’ and of course I said no. Apart from the fact I knew I was gay who the hell would be interested in me"

"You were adorable at that age, I’ve seen photos, remember!"

"Yes but you’re biased" Michael reached up, giving Ben a light kiss on the lips, grateful as always for his husband’s calm presence and patience with him.

"Anyways, you know how things sort of just happen?"

"Like you ended up in the same sleeping bag?"

"Not quite"

"He climbed out of his sleeping bag and found his back pack, rummaging through it, finally pulling out a handful of condoms. He handed one to me and all I could think was I was glad it was dark so he couldn’t see my face, which I knew was turning a bright red"

"You were what….excited…scared?"

"A bit of both I guess" Michael sighed, remembering back to that all defining moment. "I was all fingers and thumbs but I eventually got it open and tried to remember all the lessons Ma and Brian had given me about putting it on"

"Cucumber thoughts?" Ben whispered, knowing how hard this was for Michael.

Those words earned him a small smile.

"Yeah! Not quite the same though as I soon found out. My hands were shaking so badly but he didn’t say anything and eventually I got it on. He moved onto his back and I crawled down the mattress, millions of thoughts running through my head, none of them good!"

"Your first time is daunting. I know mine was"

"I just didn’t think it would be in a tent with someone I’d never said two words to before that night. Pathetic huh?"

"No baby….you’ve never been pathetic" Ben ran his fingers down his husband’s cheek, feeling the pain and heartache that was coming through in Michael’s halting account of that night. "You wanted it to be special but sadly it doesn’t always work out that way"

Michael lifted his head, his eyes meeting Ben’s. He traced his fingers over his lips, before kissing them gently.

"Do you have any idea how much I love you Ben Bruckner?"

"Yes….and you can show me later" Ben winked, receiving a dazzling smile from Michael that always made his heart beat just that little bit faster.

Michael snuggled closer to his husband, grateful as always for the love and understanding Ben managed to convey in just a few words.

He took a deep breath, preparing to finish this little episode in his life and finally close the book on it. He had never shared it with anyone, always in some way ashamed of how…pathetic…to use Brian’s favorite word…it made him seem. He knew he should take comfort in the fact in was so long ago and he was still a child in so many ways; unsure of himself and just coming to terms with his sexuality.

"Michael……?"

"Sorry….I was just…"

"It’s ok baby, take your time"

"I was worried that I would do something wrong, but then thought, how could anyone possibly stuff up a simple blow job. So I took him into my mouth, he was huge, and I found myself holding my breath for a moment, then I relaxed and did what came naturally. He was making small moaning sounds, so I whatever I was doing must have been right" Michael took a breath "He grabbed hold of my head and pushed me further onto his cock and I sort of started to panic."

"His moans got louder and I was worried someone might hear him and come to investigate but no one did" Michael took a breath " I don’t think I even enjoyed it, I think in some ways I just wanted it to be over, so I could say I had done it"

"That’s understandable"

"You think so? I had the thought in the back of my mind that I should have been getting some pleasure from it as well. I mean when I blow you it’s the most wonderful moment for me, knowing I could make you so incredibly happy"

"You were young Michael, and this guy meant nothing to you"

"I guess" Michael sighed "I just kept sucking his dick, and sneaked a look at him, but it was too dark to see much, but he looked like he was enjoying it. Then he said something, I couldn’t catch his words, but the next minute he came, and I wasn’t ready for it and I gagged and just let his dick fall out of my mouth as I tried to catch my breath"

Michael could feel tears sting at his eyes remembering back to how humiliated he had felt.

"Michael….."

"No let me finish!"

Ben could hear the anger in Michael’s voice, and gave him a reassuring squeeze.

"I started coughing and he sat up, looking at me and what I thought was a sympathetic looked crossed his face and I hoped he was going to say it was ok, you know, first time and all that but he just crawled off the mattress and back to his side of the tent..

I sat there for a few minutes, finally realizing he wasn’t going to say anything, feeling so fucking useless. I couldn’t even get a blow job right!"

"I lay down and pulled the sleeping bag around me, hoping that sleep would come quickly, but knowing I would have to face him in the morning, positive that he would be laughing at me. I heard him stir and I turned over slowly, the moonlight was just coming through the tent and I could see him clearly and he had a look of revulsion on his face.

"I expected better from a fag!"

"Oh baby……"

"I just lay there….I tried to think of something to say but my mind was blank. I just wanted to crawl away and die"

"I sunk deeper into my sleeping bag and cried myself to sleep. When I woke the next morning his sleeping bag was empty. I didn’t want to leave the safety of the tent, the thought of having to see him actually making me feel physically sick. I heard the bell going for breakfast but ignored it. I could hear all the kids yelling and laughing outside and then almost silence. I guessed the teachers had rounded them up to eat. I just lay there, willing the time to pass quickly, so I could sneak onto the bus and go home"

"I don’t know how much time passed but someone must have realized I was missing.

Mr. Clarke, who was nice, came striding into the tent but he didn’t look too pleased to see me still in bed. "Novotny, what are you doing in bed?"

I mumbled something about not feeling very well but he waved away my excuses and told me I had missed breakfast and to go shower, the bus would be leaving in half an hour.

I threw my stuff into my bag and grabbed some clean clothes and headed to the shower, managing to avoid seeing anyone.

"I wasn’t so lucky on the way back. I had almost reached our tent when Mark and his mates spotted me. They stood there in a group pointing at me, sniggering and laughing and I knew that Mark had given them a detailed account of the nights happening. I felt a hot flush travel up my body and knew my face was burning.

I hurried past them, trying to ignore their taunts..…..’fag’…’useless’….’pitiful’

When I reached the tent, I just grabbed my bag and headed for the bus, finding a seat near the back and slouching down into out of sight.

Ben pulled Michael into his arms, wrapping his large frame around his husband’s smaller body, rocking him gently, quietly whispering words of love, giving him time to get a hold on his emotions.

His heart felt like breaking thinking of what Michael had been through, how that experience had stayed with him so clearly and deeply all these years.

He felt so proud that he had been the one that he had finally shared it with knowing what a demeaning and degrading experience it had been for him.

"Michael…thank you for telling me"

"I’ve never told anyone else"

"I know"

Ben sat up, leaning on one elbow, brushing a stray strand of hair off Michael’s face.

"What happened when you went back to school?"

"Nothing! They completely ignored me, which suited me fine, but sometimes I caught Mark watching me with what looked liked a flicker of regret in his eyes, but it was just fleeting and perhaps I imagined it."

"They were children as well Michael, they had no idea of the harm they had done"

"I know that now of course, but I always hated school and after that it was so much worse."

"But you survived!"

"Yeah"

The front door slammed.

"Shit! Hunter’s home!"

"Christ, look at the time, we’ve been here for hours"

"And I never got my blow job" Ben grinned at Michael

"Later!"

"Promise?"

"Oh you can count on that and I also promise it will be one you won’t forget for a long time"

"Mmmm……I can’t wait. Perhaps we should just stay here, forget about dinner and send Hunter to his room"

"Did I hear my name mentioned?" Hunter said from the doorway.

"Hey pal, how was dinner?"

"Fucking good! But why the hell did Debbie think I was there to rake her yard!"