MICHAEL’S POV

I watched his retreating body from the mirror. What had I done. My own eyes met me as I focused again but his were still there, looking at me, full of pain and rejection. I shook my head, trying to get rid of the image but it remained.

I had done what I had accused everyone else of; looked at him as a disease not as Ben. I shivered, and I knew it was not due to the cold. I wanted him, I needed him, I loved him. But when the moment came I threw it all away with a few words; words that I never meant to say but couldn’t stop myself and now could never take back.

I looked at the packet of condoms in my hand. I would have been safe, I knew that but I still couldn’t do it. The what ifs and maybes that had been planted by others pushed my true feelings from my mind.

I opened the cabinet, the bottles of pills; still there; would always be there; helping to keep him alive. They were part of him, the part that everyone else saw and turned away from and now I had done the same.

I put the packet back on the shelf and closed the door. I wanted to go and find him, to say something…anything…to make it right. I just didn’t think I had the words to do it.

So I did what most cowards do, I left. I padded quietly into the darkness of the living room, found my clothes, dressed and closed the door quietly, trying not to think of him, of the way he would be feeling, the sadness in his eyes which would haunt me in every waking hour.

The cold night air hit me as I walked down the street. I wasn’t ready to go home; the thought of sleep far from my mind because I knew it would be filled with dreams which in reality would be nightmares, because I had just thrown away the something I wanted from the moment I had seen him, the something that I knew would make my life what I wanted it to be, something I had been looking for; Love.

BEN’S POV

Michael’s words were like a knife to my heart. They hit me without warning and I struggled to comprehend them. His brown eyes had held mine, I could see the pain in them; I had learnt in a very short time that Michael’s eyes were the windows of this soul, he didn’t need words, his feelings were plain to see in those brown eyes that I had fallen in love with the moment they had looked at me. And I thought he felt the same.

I had held his gaze for as long as I could, but I felt the stinging behind mine and knew I had to leave. As I walked from the bathroom I half expected him to say something….anything…but deathly silence filled the air following me to my room. I pulled some clothes on and sat on the edge of the bed, his words filling my head. But I wondered if they were his words, his thoughts or had they been planted by others, thinking they knew best for him. Didn’t they know I would never let anything harm him; I would always keep him safe.

I shivered at the memory of his creamy white skin against mine for those moments, knowing I would never feel again, but still craving it, needing it, not wanting to let it go although I knew I would have to. I couldn’t believe I had been so wrong, I thought I had found what I was always looking for, someone who accepted me; who was willing to take a chance; that was willing to return what I had for them, Love.